One of the blogs I read had an interesting post called Self-Help Junkies. In this post, the author suggests that many people who spend all of their resources learning how to get better and not actually doing anything to improve their life.

I have been facilitating Personal Development courses since 1981 and agree that the majority of the people who seek self-improvement are exactly what Steve describes in his post.

I have learned that there is a big difference between “feeling better” and “getting better” – with the former being much easier than the latter. The junkies out there just want to FEEL better and are unwilling to do the action part (which is the hard work) to GET better. So reading a self-help book or attending a seminar can definitely help them feel better. However it won’t help them change much at all.

There are many reasons why people fail to act. Besides motivation, people need what I call “the 3 pillars of change” – Vision , Structure & Support – if they have any realistic chance of making significant changes to improve their lives. You can read more about this topic in the following posts: Change or Die & Structure – One of the 3 Pillars of Change.

Technorati Tags: Self-help junkies, Xtraordinary Living, www.productivelearning.com, Rick Itzkowich

Last week I was in Whistler, Canada conducting a one of our Learning Vacations. My partner Lindon and I went up there a few days early because we wanted to do some business planning and to also go Helicopter Boarding. Turns out that as we were being picked up to be driven to the heli-pad, the driver found out that the helicopter wouldn’t be able to take off because of bad weather. So we went regular snow boarding instead and re-scheduled for the following day, when the forecast called for clear skies.

The next day the van arrived and the weather was gorgeous. We were all excited with some nervous anticipation as we drove about 30 miles to get to the heli-pad. There we underwent some safety avalanche training while we waited for the helicopter to arrive. During this time, some fog rolled in that prevented the helicopter from landing and picking us up. The guides said not to worry, because we were going to a higher location where the helicopter would have no problem landing. To make a long story short, after we moved to this new location, we waited for nearly 3 hours for the fog to lift. By the time we finally gave up, we had spent close to 6 hours waiting to go heli-boarding.

Needless to say, we were not only disappointed that we didn’t get to heli-board but that we had wasted an opportunity to go regular snow boarding as well. It was then that Lindon said: “I guess that’s the price of adventure.”

As I thought about this, I realized how true this is. In order to live an Xtraordinary Life, you must be willing to pay the price. And sometimes the price comes in the form of “wasted opportunities.” You must put yourself in a position to take advantage of something, but there is no guarantee that you will be able to capitalize on it. I remember hearing Zig Ziglar say long ago: “if you want a guarantee, buy a toaster!”

As I continue on my quest for an Xtraordinary Life, I’m sure I will continue to pay the price and I will continue to remind myself that it is worth it.

Technorati Tags: Adventure Travel, Xtraordinary Living

Hope you had a great Holiday Season and that 2007 brings you everything you wish for. The beginning of the year is a great time to focus on what we want to accomplish during the year.

However, being overly focused on something can also cause us problems. Rather than telling you about it, I will show you. I’m going to ask you to click on a link so you can watch a 40-second video. Be sure you follow these instructions before you watch the video:

– Count the number of times the team in the WHITE SHIRTS bounce the basketball. Not all the bounces, but only the bounces by the WHITE team, okay?
–After you click on the “Watch Video” link below, you will be taken to another site where the video will play. You should then see a green play arrow. Click it and remember to count! AFTER YOU WATCH THE VIDEO, click the back arrow on your browser and return to this post. Click on the “Read More…” tab to get the rest of the instructions.

Watch Video


How many bounces did you count? Did you notice something really unusual happening during the video? Chances are you didn’t. So go back and watch the video again, but this time, don’t count any bounces at all, just watch the video, and enjoy.

There’s an old saying that says “To the person with only a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.” I’m taking the liberty to re-write that saying with one of my own: “The person obsessed with being ‘right’ often misses the Gorilla.”

Technorati Tags: Focus, Attention, Xtraordinary Living

I’m working on a new project that will allow us to offer a daily structure for increased awareness. This project involves finding various interesting quotes. One that caught my attention is the following:

“Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.” I love this quote by Edward de Bono because it captures the essence of “taking responsibility” for our happiness. It really gives us two powerful options:

1- Increase our talents to match our expectations
2- Lower our expectations to match our talents

If you read my earlier post on what constitutes an Xtraordinary Living? you’ll see that option #1 above is the one that is most in alignment with living an Xtraordinary Life. However, option #2 has it’s uses.

For example, about a year ago my wife suggested I take Yoga classes after I mentioned to her that I really needed to do something to increase my flexibility. I had taken Yoga in the past and didn’t enjoy it. However I was willing to give it another try. After going to an introductory class, I realized that while I still didn’t particularly like doing Yoga, I did like how I felt afterwards. So I bought a package of 10 classes and committed to attending once per week. I am now on my sixth package.

I’m clear that doing Yoga classes 1x/week will not increase my flexibility. However it will at least slow down the loss of additional flexibility. I have matched my talents with my expectations. And for now, that is good enough for me. If on the other hand I would expect to gain flexibility by keeping to the same regimen, I would undoubtedly end up disappointed and would quit Yoga altogether.

Remember that the quality of our life is directly related to the quality of our choices. So while not every choice we make will be Xtraordinary, the sum total of all the choices we make will determine how Xtraordinary our life will be.

Technorati Tags: Choices, Happiness, Yoga, Flexibility, Xtraordinary Living

I got my haircut today and before I left my hairdresser’s salon, I booked all of my haircuts for 2007. Since I get my haircut every 4 weeks, that was 13 appointments. This is the second consecutive year I’ve done this. The reason this is interesting is that I used to be a person who wouldn’t schedule things too far in advance because of the “it’s too far into the future and I don’t know what I will be doing” mentality. I also didn’t want to make commitments because I didn’t want the stress I associated with making commitments and I wanted to preserve “my freedom.”.

Well the exact opposite was true. Take my haircuts for example, I used to only book my next appointment after finishing my haircut. The problem with this, was that both my hairdresser’s and my availability were severely reduced. We would go back and forth and when we finally selected a date/time, we would often end up squeezing it in during less than ideal times. I would also have to re-schedule a good number of these appointments because something “came up.” All of this added stress and a feeling that getting a haircut was really a major hassle. This year, I only re-scheduled once and getting my haircut has stopped being a hassle. As far as freedom goes, there is a feeling of freedom knowing that I don’t have to worry about my haircuts for another year.

What is fascinating is that by scheduling and committing to things in advance, I have the freedom to schedule around it. Granted, there are times when I need to re-schedule. But these are so few and far between, that it is much easier to deal with those than wait until I’m certain that nothing else is in the way.

The next time you think something along the lines of “I don’t want to commit because I don’t know what I’ll be doing then”, you may want to re-frame it and think: “I don’t know WHAT ELSE I will be doing then, but at least I KNOW I will be doing this.” There is a lot of freedom in that!

Technorati Tags: Time Management, Organization, Commitment, Freedom, Xtraordinary Living

Walk our talk! That’s one of our core values at PL&L. One area where we have not been doing this is as a company, is having staff retreats. I’m happy to report that we are back “on track.” Last week most of PL&L’s staff participated in a staff retreat on a cruise ship in Mexico. It was great to have us all interact in a non-work environment. In addition, we also got to spend some time planning and dreaming about PL&L’s future.

I walked away from this experience feeling very fortunate that we have a wonderful group of people who are committed to living an helping others live an Xtraordinary life.

One of the topics we discussed was how to help our clients get more value out of their PL&L experiences. These were not intended to be strategic conversations, bur rather “big picture” ones. The conversations took us to some unexpected places and as a result, we are already working on a couple of ideas to make this happen. Stay tuned for some very exciting updates in the near future.

A key element in experiencing an Extraordinary Life is “being present”. This sounds easy but it is not as our minds tend to wander very easily. Being “present” is a choice we must make. The more we exercise this choice, the more “present” we will be.

The article below was written by a colleague of mine – Tom Henschel. Tom’s newsletter The Look & Sound of Leadership is full of insights and I highly recommend it. You can also read Tom’s article on how to remember names which I posted a few months ago.

After years and years working as a television actor, I’d beaten the odds. I was supporting my family, had bought a home and put my daughter in private school. All without ever waiting tables or parking cars!

I’d also learned to accept that working actors in Hollywood don’t act for a living, they audition. And, since most of the time they don’t get the job, in order to work even a little they need to audition a lot. The goal, of course, is to have as high a percentage of success as possible.

While my batting average was good, I couldn’t figure out how to make it better. I’d go into an audition and give a reading that was so dreadful my dead cat could’ve done better. I’d keep a brave face on but I knew – and was sure everyone else did, too, – that I stunk. But then, lo and behold, before I could call my manager to bemoan my failure, they would offer me the job. So how to improve my average? Try to stink every time?

Other times, I’d go into an audition and give a reading that was so good, so right on, that no one would be better. Different, maybe, but not better. But then, silence. Not a word. Nothing. The job would go to some one else. So how to improve my average? Even my best wasn’t getting me the job!

Luckily, a wonderful actress named Linda Carlson changed my thinking about all this.

“Your criteria for success are all wrong,” she told me. “You’re thinking the only time an audition is a success is when you get the job. But that’s not something you can control.”

“I know,” I said. “That’s what’s making me crazy! But what other ’success’ is there besides getting the job?”

“Being present,” she said with a smile. “That’s the only thing you can control any way. Look. It’s a given that you know how to audition, so when you walk in the room your only job is to truly be in the room in real time. If even for one moment you focus on getting the job or about how long they kept you waiting or what a terrible reading partner the casting director is, you’re not being present.

“So if they introduce themselves, you remember their names. If they want to chat, you chat, without worrying about losing your character. If they don’t want to chat, fine, you don’t worry that it might ‘mean’ something. No matter what happens, you’re completely present.

“And when it’s time to do your reading,” she said looking me right in the eye, “you read without one sliver of a thought about whether or not you’re going to get the job. Any part of you that stays attached to the outcome is a part of you that’s not really available to you. Just get totally and completely present.”

I remember so clearly the very next audition I went on. I remember walking into the room and noticing a wonderful Southwestern picture frame on the casting director’s desk with a picture of two smiling girls. I remember the poster over his couch. I remember chatting with them in a very relaxed manner, even perching on the edge of the desk. And I remember that I got the job.

The idea of Being Present is directly connected to The Look & Sound of Leadership and success in the workplace.

Imagine yourself preparing for an important meeting. As the day approaches, your adrenalin begins to rise. You tell yourself that if things go well, it will have a major impact on your next quarter. But if things don’t go well, well, you don’t even want to think about that.

Like an actor auditioning, you imagine that your success is directly connected to your performance in that room. And in some ways, it is. But if you allow yourself to be distracted by that reality, then part of your capacity is diminished. And if your capacity is diminished, it’s less likely you’re going to perform successfully. Which means the outcome you want to avoid is more likely to happen! A vicious cycle of fear creating reality.

To break the cycle, listen for when you worry. “What if they ask a question I can’t answer?” “What if they fold their arms and look at me like I’m rotting fish?” “What if it doesn’t go well?” “What if I bomb?”

Recognize that those “what if’s” are just distractions. If those sorts of questions help you prepare, great. You need to prepare. But if those “what if’s” create anxiety, tune them out. Think of them like background noise: they are there but you don’t have to focus on them. Think, “I can have those thoughts and still do my job.”

Your job is to go into that high stakes room and be present.

Don’t get attached to the outcome. You can’t control that. Tell yourself that you’ll count every high stakes encounter a success if you can just stay present. Really listen. Really connect. If you can do that, you’ll stand out from those around you. Just be present.

I hardly ever use cash when I pay for things. Whenever possible, I look to pay with my credit card so that I can accumulate the airline miles. Given the amount of travel I do, these miles allow me to upgrade my Coach tickets and fly Business Class at a fraction of a cost.

There is a deli nearby that has good food. However, I hardly think of it among my options for lunch. I’m pretty sure that one of the reasons I don’t is because they don’t accept credit cards. However, now that we don’t have a kitchen and we’re eating a lot more take-out, my wife and kids suggested we get something from this deli. When I went to pick up my order, I was pleased to see that they were now accepting credit cards.

A few days later, I decided to go to the deli for lunch. When it came time to pay, I handed my credit card and I was told that they “couldn’t” accept credit cards for orders that totaled less than $10. The truth is not that they “couldn’t” but that they “wouldn’t.” The reason for this is because they are paying a “per transaction fee” rather than a straight percentage. And they reason that accepting credit cards for small amounts eats too much into their profits. I wonder if they have any idea how much business they are losing because of this mindset.

Another restaurant nearby, did something similar. They started cutting back in the amount of salad dressing they were giving with their take-out salads. When I mentioned this to the cashier she said that they had received a lot of complaints lately but that the corporate office insisted they continue with the smaller amounts.

As a business owner, I’m very aware of looking for ways to cut costs and maximize profits. However, when these ways come at the expense of what the customers want, it can really back-fire.

As a PL&L client I urge you to let me know if you ever feel like we are making some of these mistakes.

This week we finally started our kitchen remodel. The contractor and his crew arrived this morning and by the end of the day, my entire kitchen had been demolished. I found it fascinating that it will take 6-12 weeks to build a new kitchen and yet it only took 1 day to destroy the old one!

As I reflected on this, I realized that is the same with many other things – relationships, businesses, reputations, etc. It takes a long time to build them and almost no time to tear them down.

Another thing that struck me was how much less talent is needed to tear something down than to build it.

Hopefully I’ll remember this lesson the next time I have an urge to tear something (or someone) down.

In Podcast #7 we talked about the impact of mentoring and how my partner Lindon and I hired two people to serve as our advisory board. Yesterday we had our monthly meeting with our advisors Tom and Bob. It was a great reminder of the value of having both Focus and Accountability in business – and in life!

Tom & Bob do for Lindon and I what we do for our clients: they find out what is important to us, help us focus and hold us accountable for what we said we would do. While difficult to do sometimes, it is highly effective.

The pursuit of Xtraordinary is greatly aided by having focus and accountability. Who – besides you – is holding you accountable?